


Like E.T. or Some Shit*

by turntechSleepyhead



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turntechSleepyhead/pseuds/turntechSleepyhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Alternatively titled: In Which a Troll Boy Crashes to Earth and is Subsequently Taken in by an Eccentric Pair of Brothers, Falls in Love With the Younger, and is Captured by an Alien Government. Contains One Quadrant-Confused Romance, Miscommunications, and No Less Than One Civil War</p><p>*Temporary Hiatus until the end of the semester. (until the end of May 2016ish).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like E.T. or Some Shit*

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Curiosity Killed the Cat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/854357) by [DawnGyocry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnGyocry/pseuds/DawnGyocry). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you may have noticed, I condensed all eight baby-chapters into one longer chapter!! This means that now transitions and formatting might be weird so PLEASE let me know if there are like, two ==> in a row of the same character, or time transitions that don't make sense now!!
> 
> Also my heart is broken because I lost a lot of really nice comments deleting the other chapters D:

== > Be Dave  
Your name is Dave Strider, and you are ten years old. Your bro told you not to go on the roof when he’s not around, but it doesn’t actually matter because he’s not around. Who’s going to stop you? You like to come up here sometimes when he’s working at a club just to look at the stars. In the city, there aren’t that many of them. But they’re enough for you.

You don’t really like when your bro is gone all night, but he has to make money. At least you don’t have to have a babysitter anymore. He says he’s working on some stuff and he won’t have to be gone so much soon, but you don’t know if you really believe him. Not that he’s lying to you, but he just might be trying to make you feel better.

You know he’s working on some robots and stuff, but he doesn’t have enough money to get any of it patented. You guess that’s why he’s been working so much lately.

You sit with your back resting against the wall that holds up the air conditioning unit. It’s an uncharacteristically chilly night, and the concrete surface feels like it’s sucking what heat is left from your body. You pick up your shades from beside you and stretch yourself out. You should get back inside before Bro comes home.

You hear a noise that sounds something like a mix between a grunt and a hiss from the other side of the ac unit. Maybe you should have brought one of Bro’s terrible swords with you. He’s been training you to use them since you were six, but you’re still nowhere near as good at it as him.

Maybe the noise came from the air condition kicking on. But it’s so cold outside tonight that that seems unlikely. You move along the wall as quietly as you can manage and peer around the corner. What you see surprises you. It’s another kid. Well, you think it is at first, but after a moment you notice that he is clearly not human.

Whoa, what if he’s some kind of escaped government experiment, like in a comic book. Or he could be a mutant or an alien. He’s holding his head in his hands and his eyes are squeezed shut. His mouth is curled into something like a grimace, or maybe a snarl would be a better word. And inside that mouth are what look like teeth much sharper than your own.

He growls out something you don’t understand. It doesn’t sound like English at all. It sounds kind of vaguely Asian, but at the same time the accent is like nothing you’ve ever heard before. It would probably be in your best interest to turn around now and go back to your well-armed apartment, and let someone else deal with whatever this situation is.

But, as Bro would probably tell you, self-preservation has never been your strong suit. And you agree with him.

So instead you say, “Sup.”

In hindsight, this was probably not the wisest thing you could have done. The boy (?) whips his head up at you and bares his teeth. He actually growls at you, like legitimately growls; a low, sort of clicking noise from deep in his throat. He backs up as far as he can go against the wall without nearing the edge of the roof.

You want to let him know that you’re not going to hurt him, but you’re pretty sure at this point he wouldn’t understand a thing you said. That doesn’t really stop you from talking though.

“Hey, whoa, let’s calm down. I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” You raise your arms up and face your palms toward him as an act of surrender. “I mean, we could go inside, play some video games and hang out or something. You don’t have to be all hostile and shit.” You tend to swear more when you’re freaking out, even though your bro says not to, especially in public. You take a couple of steps backwards and flashstep as best you can to the roof access door. 

You reach the inside of your apartment in only a couple of seconds, and you don’t think he followed you. You settle down in your room and try not to think about the strange, gray-skinned boy on the roof. You decide to go on the internet for a while. You look at the weather to see that it’s just below 40 degrees outside. That’s pretty damn cold for Texas.

The clock says it’s only around eleven o’ clock. Bro won’t be home for hours. You can’t go to bed knowing that kid is on the roof. He might not be human, but you think that he’s probably still a person. You gather up some blankets and go to your kitcheif n. Navigating the kitchen is always hard with all the weapons lying around, but for a stealth master like yourself it isn’t a problem. You think your bro would be proud, he were here, that you avoided all of the sharp objects while walking across the room.

You rummage through the cabinets and the half of the fridge that’s not filled with swords. You have no idea what aliens (or mutants, or monsters, or government experiments) even eat, so you bring a whole bunch of crap. Most of it is junk food, but that’s really all you have. 

== > Be The Alien

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you do not belong here. This planet is terrible and cold and you’re having a really hard time being grateful to the ones that left you here, even though they probably saved your life. A war is starting on Alternia, and you should be there to fight with your friends, even if you’re not ready yet. They promised to come back for you, but you don’t believe them. Everyone always leaves.

You try not to think about any of them and focus on staying alive right now. Your body can’t provide its own heat when it’s this cold outside. Your own home is so damn hot all the time. You turn to the bag full of stuff you brought with you. You have a little bit of food (not enough), a shitty communicator/translator that knows a couple of this planet’s major languages (that should be useful at least), a water bottle, a blanket, some books, and your sickle. Somehow you doubt that’s enough to keep you alive. You already ran into one of Earth’s inhabitants, and you royally fucked that up, of course. He didn’t seem hostile, and he didn’t have any weapons with him, and you already scared him off.

Suddenly feeling very alone, you wrap the blanket around your shoulders and start to cry. You hate crying but you seem to do it a lot. You shouldn’t because your tears are the wrong color and it could get you killed. You wonder if that matters here. You hit your head when the ship dropped you off earlier. You remember falling from the hatch and passing out. That was when it was light outside. How long have you been up here?

You’re shivering now; you have never been this cold before in your life. You wish you could have just stayed on Alternia. There had to have been a place you could have hidden there. There were adults landing on-planet. Some of them wanted to protect you. You shiver and wonder how long nights last here. The sun is harsh but at least it will give you some warmth.

A creaking noise startles you from your thoughts. Someone is coming through the door again. You hold your breath and wait as the footsteps come toward you. You squeeze your eyes shut tight and pull the blanket harder around you.

A voice says something you don’t understand. You open your eyes to see that it’s the boy from earlier. He has a bunch of crap piled in his arms. You hope at least some of it is food. You don’t growl at him this time. Why is past you so dumb? You hold up your hand and hope he understands the universal “hold on” gesture. 

You dig through your bag and pull out the translator. You have no idea how to work this thing. You type in “hello” as a test message, and it pops up on the little screen in Alternian. You don’t know how to get it to translate though. There is a list of names in a bunch of languages you don’t understand. They’re probably from colonized planets (and potential ones including Earth). 

Standing up, you show him the screen, and scroll through the list. You hope he recognizes something and stops you. He says something and points to a name. You scroll back up to it and select it, hoping this is the right one. Your message reconfigures into a strange alphabet and you now have the option to select another keyboard. He reads your message and seems to understand it.

You hand it over to him and he clicks on the other keyboard, types something, and hits the translate button. Wow. This process is really tedious. He hands it back to you. It says, “do you want to come inside?” 

Normally, you would complain about going inside his weird, Earth-hive, and you’d be especially careful around someone you don’t know but you really, really do want to go inside. You don’t bother typing anything. You just nod and pack your stuff into your bag. He grabs his armful of things and you both go for the door. You really hope he doesn’t kill you in your sleep.

== > Be Dave

You bring the alien boy into your room and throw the food down on your desk. You’re pretty sure he’s an alien at this point. You let him look through all of the food and decide on what to eat. You have no idea what a normal meal for him is. His clothes are all dirty and torn, so you dig through your drawer for some fuzzy pajama pants and a t shirt. You own the pants ironically, but you actually like them because they’re so soft and warm. 

When you turn around you see the boy has inhaled like an entire package of oreos. Man, he was hungry. You toss him the clothes and start clearing all the crap off your bed. You figure your bed is big enough for the two of you. You’re used to sharing with not a lot of space. You used to sleep with your bro but since you got older, he lets you have the bed now, while he sleeps on the futon.

You wish you could just talk out loud to this guy. Not talking when someone is around is so hard to do. You find the bag he brought with him and dig out the translator. You really need to ask him his name. You hope it’s something you can pronounce. You type in the question.

Dave: whats your name dude  
??: ONE OF THOSE WORDS DIDN’T TRANSLATE. MY NAME IS   
Dave: try saying it out loud it didnt work

“Karkat.” 

You repeat the name out loud. You can’t get the accent on it quite right but close enough. You figure your own name won’t translate either, so you just point your thumb at yourself and say “Dave.”

He tries to say it back but has the same problem you had with his name. He can’t get the vowels to sound right and it comes out more like “Dev,” but whatever.

Karkat: WHAT’S THAT SPONGY RECTANGLE THING IN THE CORNER?  
Dave: my bed? thats where i sleep man what do you sleep on  
Karkat: I SLEEP IN MY RECUPERACOON. WHY ARE YOU GETTING READY FOR BED ALREADY, IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.  
Dave: awh man are you nocturnal thats gonna suck so hard  
Karkat: YES. THE SUN ON MY PLANET IS REALLY FUCKING HOT  
Dave: oh hey look it translates curse words too  
Dave: also why do you type in all caps  
Karkat: I DON’T. IT MUST BE THE TRANSLATOR.  
Dave: this thing is gonna get really annoying really fast i should like learn your language or something  
Karkat: WOULDN’T IT MAKE MORE SENSE FOR ME TO LEARN YOURS? SINCE I AM ON YOUR PLANET?  
Dave: no way bro itll be so sweet like imagine we can talk in you alien language or whatever and no one will have any idea what were saying  


As Karkat is reading your most recent message, you hear the door to your apartment open. Bro must be home. There’s no way you can hide Karkat here without him knowing for long. You don’t think it will be too much of a problem. Bro has never really made a big deal out of anything, even if it’s really weird. He’s so cool.

You take the translator from Karkat and type the message, “my brother is home,” and hand it back to him. You put your hand up to let him know to stay in your room while you go talk to your bro.

“Bro! I’ve got a thing to show you,” you yell into the living room. Your Bro is standing in the kitchen, eating a bowl of sugary breakfast cereal.

“What’s up, lil man? You should be in bed right now.” He looks up at you through pointy shades that match your own. 

“I’ve got something to show you, just like, don’t freak out okay. Everything is fine. Everything is so normal and cool here like a-“

“Dave. Stop. You’re about to either start rambling or rapping and it’s like three in the morning. Just show me whatever it is, okay?”

“Yeah, alright. Cool.” You lead him to your room and open the door. Karkat is sitting on your bed looking through what looks like a bunch of old Game Bro magazines you had lying around.

You look up at your bro. You don’t think you saw his expression change at all. So cool. 

“So, Dave, who’s your friend?”

== > Be Bro

For the first time in a long time, you are having trouble maintaining your composure. Your lil bro has what appears to be a gray alien sitting on his bed, casually leafing through some old Game Bro magazines. It’s got nubby little horns poking out of its unruly black hair, and it’s wearing Dave’s pajamas.

You don’t really know what to make of the situation, so in your calmest voice you say, “So, Dave, who’s your friend?”

“I found him on the roof,” Dave replies. He puts his hands up in a defensive position with his palms facing toward you, “And I know I’m not supposed to go up there when you’re not home but I went up there to do some stuff and while I was doing the stuff I heard something from behind the AC box thing and I found this guy. I don’t know where he’s from; I think he’s an alien. He’s got this little translator thing so we can talk to each other, his name is Karkat, by the way. And I don’t think he has anywhere else to go right now so I was thinking maybe, if it’s cool with you, that maybe we could keep him?” Dave is facing you but you can tell he’s looking away with his eyes. The kid is wordy, but especially so when he’s nervous. You’re cool with a lot of stuff, so you don’t mind if he stays with you as long as he’s fine with sleeping in Dave’s room.

“Yeah, that’s cool,” you reply. “As long as he’s cool with sharing your bed. I’m already on the futon and we’re short on space as it is.” You pause for a moment, something stuck out to you from Dave’s rant.

“You said he had a translator with him? Can I see it?” You hold your hand out in front of you so Dave can give you the device. “Relax, I’ll give it back in the morning. I just wanna see something, alright?”

Dave looks hesitant but grabs the device and hands it over. It’s not like any technology you’ve ever seen before, but you’re sure that, given enough time, you can analyze it. You bring it back to your own bedroom, which has so much technology and robot parts strewn around that you can’t really sleep in it comfortably. You keep the space as organized as you can, but it’s just so goddamn small.

Clearing off a space on your desk, you set down the translator and begin to pick it apart. The system isn’t really made for two-way conversations, and the interface is clunky and inelegant. You just need to isolate the section that has the alien language’s dictionary, and then you’ll have something to work with.

It’s going to be a long night.

== > Be Karkat

What are you going to do now? The human boy that brought you into his hive just _gave away_ your only communication device. He gave it to what appears to be a larger human, an adult maybe? The word he used for him was “brother” but you have a feeling the word doesn’t mean exactly the same thing here. You think he might be some kind of surrogate lusus. 

This hive is strange and you don’t like it. You guess it’s technically the top of a hivestem, but it doesn’t really matter. You’re sitting on a spongy white block of material covered in blankets. It doesn’t have the same comfort as a pile. As hard as your life was on Alternia, at least it was familiar to you. Here, everything is different and you can’t even communicate. You miss home. You pull your knees to your chest and hug them. You can’t cry here; it would make you look weak and stupid. And besides that, your tears are red. What’s the point of coming here if you get killed instantly?

You can’t help it though. You feel your eyes well up and your vision is tinted a blurry pink. You want to stop and you can’t make the tears stop coming. They’re spilling down your face and your chest feels tight. You wish they would have just culled you or left you alone.

Dave is saying something to you but you can’t understand what it is. What kind of stupid name is Dave, anyway? The way you say it sounds better. You ignore his words and fold closer into yourself. Now that you’re out of immediate danger, the emotional weight of everything is too much.

He turns the lights off and crawls onto the spongy “bed” next to you. You feel something wrapped around your shoulders, a blanket, and then his arms. His arms are wrapped around you in a way that is inappropriately pale and his hands are running through your hair. He doesn’t pap your face, thank god, but his words are soothing and your sobs subside. You stay that way for a while, enveloped in soft warmth, until the world goes dark again.

For the first time what seems like forever, you do not dream.

== > Be Karkat

When you wake up in the morning, light is streaming through Dave’s window and you immediately think that it’s too bright outside and you should be asleep. It takes you a moment to register that from now on, you’re probably going to have to stay awake during the day. You hope this planet doesn’t have any undead on it.

You realize that you aren’t cold anymore and that you’re wrapped up in a combination of Dave’s blankets and… Dave. Your arms are tucked into your chest but your legs are intertwined with Dave’s and his arms are wrapped around your shoulders, forcing your face into his chest. It is at this moment that you notice that you drooled all over him in your sleep. Gross. You wriggle out of his grip and manage to roll onto your other side.

Dave’s room looks, for the most part, like something you’d see in a hive on Alternia. His walls are a boring, neutral color tacked with posters of things you don’t recognize. It’s messier than your own block, with magazines strewn on the floor and various clothing items piled up on a chair. You have no idea how to read the clock next to the bed. You think that’s a clock anyway. You decide that you’re going to make Dave teach you how to speak his language as soon as possible.

== > Be Dave

You wake to the sounds of rustling papers. It’s way too early in the morning for this. Karkat is already awake and… stacking your magazines? Okay. Maybe he’s some kind of neat freak. You call over to him to let him know that you’re awake and ask him if he’s hungry. 

You decide that today, you want to learn to talk to him.

Be Karkat == >

You spend the next several months settling into your new life with the Striders. At first, everything is hard to get used to, but it doesn’t take long for you to acclimate to your new surroundings. It turns out that Earth isn’t as cold as you thought it was. The daytime in summer is about the same temperature as a night on Alternia. 

You and Dave take turns teaching each other your languages. It’s painful and slow, but you think you’re getting somewhere.

It doesn’t take you long to learn that Dave is completely infuriating. Nothing he does makes any sense. At first you had chalked it up to this bizarre planet’s stupid culture but you’re pretty sure it’s just Dave. He takes pictures of anything and everything, and you’re almost positive he makes them blurry on purpose. He also collects dead things he finds outside and puts them into jars.

Also, everything in the Strider household is dedicated to irony. Any form of sincere emotional expression is typically ridiculed. There are weapons all over the place, and not organized anywhere. There are swords and throwing stars in the nutrition block, something you might not ever get used to.

Dave has school during the day, and Bro has work at night, so even though they don’t see each other all the time, you’re never really alone. During the day when Dave is at school, Bro teaches you how to use swords. You tell him you would rather learn to use your sickle. He says that that’s stupid. And that swords are awesome and you should appreciate learning from a master.

He still buys you a new sickle for Christmas.

This is a human holiday that you don’t understand. Humans have a lot of holidays you don’t understand. The only one you like is “Halloween” because you can go out without hiding your face, and people give you sweets when you go up to their doors. If you knocked on an Adult’s door on Alternia, they would cull you right there on the lawnring. 

Humans don’t measure time in sweeps, but years instead. You don’t know how many years fit into a sweep exactly, but you think it’s around two. You think you’ve been on Earth for about a sweep now.

Sometimes at night, you and Dave go up to the roof. Sometimes you strife, sometimes you talk, and sometimes you just look at the stars. You look up there and wonder if anyone is actually coming back for you. They said that they would, but you don’t trust them. You don’t trust anyone.

Except maybe Dave.

Dave listens to you when you talk. By now, you can switch between English and Alternian without any trouble at all. Sometimes you mix them together in the same sentence if you feel like it. It bothers you that you can never see Dave’s eyes when you’re talking to him. You can never tell what he’s thinking about.

Recently, Dave got a new pair of shades in the mail from someone he met online. For some reason this makes you incredibly angry. You’re annoyed to some extent, but for some reason this “John” human really pissed you off. And not in a romantic way.

Dave spends all his time online talking to John, and a couple other human children. Dave made you a pesterchum account, but every time you try to talk to one of them, you just end up yelling at them and fighting with them over the internet. They usually call you a troll and leave. Dave thinks this is incredibly ironic, but it just makes you mad.

Even with Daves company, you find yourself getting a little bit lonely. You hate to admit it, but you miss your Alternian friends. You miss Sollux and Kanaya. You miss Terezi. You even miss Eridan and all of his problems. You try not to think about them too much. You’re never going to see them again anyway.

Be Dave == >

By the time you turn fourteen, Karkat is your best friend. John is your best friend too, but Karkat and John aren’t necessarily best friends with each other. They get along okay now, not like they used to be. Jade is closer to Karkat than John is though. Your friends are great, and you trust them, but you and Karkat both agreed not to tell them where Karkat came from. They don’t even know the two of you live together.

Karkat is still angry. He doesn’t want you to know, but you can tell. He’s mellowed out a lot since he started living with you, but he still resents his people for abandoning him. He gets nightmares sometimes. He says it’s because he’s supposed to be sleeping in some kind of fucked up dream slime to keep him chill.

Sometimes you wonder what’s going to happen to him. You think he’s given up on going back, and you don’t really expect it to happen either. You don’t want him to have to live hidden in your apartment for his whole life either. What’s going to happen when you go to college? Will he want to stay even when you’re gone? Will he go with you? Sometimes you’re afraid he’s going to leave without you.

\---------------

Be a Soldier (in the past) == >

The boy is crying again. You have explained to him that he is important. That you will return for him. This boy is vital to the success of your revolution. He will not be a soldier, but a symbol. And a martyr, if need be. The color of his blood has marked him for death, but also for greatness.

The sign of The Sufferer hangs from your neck, as it does from the necks of all of your comrades. Many years ago, The Sufferer earned his name upon his death. After his execution, his followers continued spreading his teachings in secret. Now it is time for you to emerge from the shadows. Your empress has become increasingly tyrannical and vicious in recent sweeps. Before, there was nothing you could do, but now there is an heir.

The fact that the descendants of both The Sufferer and The Condesce were pupated within a lifetime of each other is a blessing and a miracle. Your goal is to keep the two of them alive. The girl will be trained, but can’t be taken away from her powerful lusus. The boy will grow up on a foreign, uncolonized planet until it is time for him to play his part. She will fight. He may die. They will both obey.

You only hope he finds a way to survive on his own. He will be undoubtedly safer on Earth than on Alternia, but you don’t know anything about the native species. You cannot choose where you leave him; he won’t even leave through the door of the ship. He already has his supplies in a bag and is waiting at the transportalizer. 

It’s almost time. The pilots have already cloaked the ship and are preparing for descent. You set coordinates on the control screen. You choose what appears to be the top of a hivestem for the location of his transport. He may remain unnoticed there until he is ready to move on and find a place to stay.

When you return for him, he will be taken into the ranks of the resistance and taught the history of his ancestor and his following. He will be the one to continue to spread The Sufferer’s message to the world, gaining the support of many others, even highbloods.

You command him to step onto the pad and ready the system for transport. You press the button and he is gone. Your mission has been accomplished and you turn the ship around. You write up the report for Earth’s potential colonization, marking it down as unsuitable to sustain Alternian life. That will at least keep Her Imperious Condescension’s ships away from the small ocean planet for the time being.

You have done your part. The rest is up to fate.

\--------------------

p>== > Be Karkat

You spend most of your time around Dave, and have for the past five years of your life. Because of this, you know exactly when he is acting a little bit off. He tries his best to hide it but you noticed he’s been sighing a lot. His usual stoicism is uncharacteristically absent lately. You also keep catching him looking at you from the corner of your eyes and, quite frankly, it’s starting to creep you out.

Eventually you have to do something about it.

“Dave,” you say when he starts jiggling his leg up and down. “What the fuck is going on with you?” You’re speaking Alternian because you like to use it when you’re alone with Dave. It helps you to remember.

“What? I have no idea what you mean, dude. I’m the same as I’ve always been. Peachy fuckin’ keen in fact. I am so fuckin’ keen on that peach I think I’m gonna marry it and have like a dozen babies with the peach. And then when I-”

“Dave.”

“Sorry.”

“Can you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you? Because you’re anxious and jittery and it’s stressing me the hell out.” You look at him pointedly, hoping your expression is intimidating.

“It’s fine. It’s nothing for you to worry about. I’ve just been thinking. About some… stuff.” You can’t quite tell because of his ridiculous sunglasses that he insists on wearing indoors, but you think he glanced down at the ground when he was answering you. Not a good sign, but you decide to drop it. He’s not going to fucking tell you anything if you keep pushing at it. You’ll get him to talk, but maybe not now.

It’s summer and it’s the weekend so the two of you decide to make a fort in the living room and watch a movie. You’re never too old to construct a defensive fortress made of large squares designed to trap heat (even if it is as hot as human balls outside). It’s your turn to pick the movie and as always, you pick a romantic comedy. You can’t bring yourself to understand why human males are so threatened by romance and emotion when it’s such an important fucking part of society. Human romance is greatly inferior to its Alternian counterpart. They have no quadrants and their romance is a huge mess of red and pale feelings, but you’ll take what you can get.

Dave does his usual complaining about your movie choice but you quickly settle in. The heat doesn’t bother you so much since your body temperature runs so high, not to mention that you’re acclimated for hotter weather anyway. Dave, however, keeps fidgeting around and making it hard to concentrate on whether or not Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds will be able to resolve their romantic problems.

“Please sit still or I’m going to fucking make you sit still, shitstain,” you warn him.

“It’s _hoooot_ in here,” he complains, then pauses and grins. Then he begins singing “so take of all your clothes (I am gettin’ so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off)” while stripping off his shirt.

“Holy shit, you fucking moron. What the hell are you doing?” You laugh at him, despite your feigned disgust.

“I guess you weren’t around when that particular piece of musical art was released,” he answers before settling back down on the blanket. He doesn’t bother to put his shirt back on, and maybe your eyes linger for just a little too long, but you don’t think he notices. You’ve had pale feelings for Dave for a long time, which you’ve tried explaining to him but he just can’t seem to grasp the concept. He doesn’t consider pale feelings to be “romantic” which you’ve put down to humans being giant pale-sluts. 

To complicate things, you’ve been experiencing some vacillation between pale and red. It’s just so _frustrating_ because you have no one but Dave to vent to, and you can’t tell him this shit. He wouldn’t get it. You could always talk to Jade, you guess, but you don’t know how you would explain quadrants to her without needing to tell her you’re not human. You heave a frustrated sigh.

You aren’t even been paying attention to the movie at this point. You’re probably just going to tell him about your feelings at some point but you don’t want to make yourself look like a fucking idiot because you have to see him EVERY DAY and THEN where the fuck would you be? You don’t think you could handle the humiliation of being rejected in two quadrants simultaneously.

You turn to him to find that he’s staring right at you. You ask him what the fuck is so fascinating about your face, but he doesn’t answer. He just turns red and presses his lips together in a determined line. A moment passes where you are just looking at each other.

And then he leans over, and kisses you.

\--> Be Dave

You think you fucked up. You don't know what the hell you're doing. There you were, minding your own business, when Karkat got that dumb look on his face where he scrunches up his nose and knits his eyebrows together in frustration. Usually you would just make fun of him, but this time you thought to yourself, "I'm doing this. I'm making this happen." And you sure as fuck did. And as soon as you did, Karkat took off. And you haven't seen him since.

TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: john what the fuck answer me  
TG: john  
EB: dave! give me a second to type here! jeez :P  
TG: i may have done something dumb  
EB: so a regular day for you then.  
TG: damn  
TG: harsh  
EB: sorry, that was mean.  
EB: what did you do?  
TG: ok so say i have this friend  
EB: yeaaahh?  
TG: and this friend may have developed some feelings  
TG: for another friend  
EB: :?  
EB: ?????????????  
EB: oh my god. is it jade???  
EB: what did you do?  
TG: its not jade dude i mean shes great but its not her  
TG: anyway its irrelevant  
TG: this person isnt someone i met on the internet  
EB: do i know this person? what's her name?  
TG: yeah  
TG: his  
EB: what?  
TG: its not a girl bro  
EB: i didn't know you were gay! why didn't you tell me?  
EB: is it me? oh my god. i'm sorry but i just don't feel that way about you.  
TG: egbert you dumbass its not you also im not gay  
TG: anyway i told you i know him in real life  
EB: oh.  
TG: its karkat  
EB: but he's so grumpy!  
TG: i know that im so dumb this was a terrible decision  
TG: i kissed him  
TG: and now hes not talking to me  
TG: he locked himself in his room  
EB: :?  
EB: his room? are you at his house?  
TG: um  
TG: yeah  
TG: and consequently he is at my house  
TG: we live in the same apartment  
TG: he locked himself in his room which is also my room  
TG: everything is complicated  
EB: dave! why didn’t you ever tell anyone you lived together??  
EB: is it weird? are you like, step-brothers or something.  
TG: yes its weird no were not step brothers why would you think that  
TG: besides if bro had married someone  
TG: i would be his uncle lmao holy shit i have to tell him you thought that  
TG: there are tears on my face john  
TG: im gonna start making him call me uncle dave  
EB: dave!! shouldn’t you be more serious right now? and shouldn’t you just try to talk to him?  
TG: sorry  
TG: defense mechanism  
TG: yeah i guess youre right bro  
TG: lets fucking do this  
TG: here i go  
EB: good luck!

And that’s about all the advice you’re gonna get from John. ‘just talk to him dave! :B.’ Fine, Egbert, let’s do this your way. You shuffle up to your door and knock twice.

“Hey,” you say, off to a great start. “Can I come in? I wanna talk to you.”

The reply you get is a muffled grumbling sound that you know is Karkat angrily talking into a pillow. You just cut it short and decide that that means yes because you really don’t have the patience for this shit. You open the door way too forcefully and it slams into the wall. Strike 1.

“What the grub-loving fuck, Dave!” he yells, turning to you.

“Sorry! Sorry, I just. That was. An accident,” you explain.

He slams his face back into the depths of his pillow and growls something that sounds hostile but really could be anything. You take this opportunity to creep up to the bed and sit down next to him.

He pulls back for a gasp of fresh air and glares indignantly at you. At least, you know it’s intended to be a glare. It really looks more like a pout. 

“I said,” he snaps at you, “ _what_ was an accident? The door? Or… the other thing.”

“The door! Definitely the door. I mean, unless you didn’t want the other thing, in which case, whoops. I just slipped and fell right onto your mouth. My bad, bro. No homo and all that jazz.”

He could not look more unimpressed with you if he tried. You know he hates the rambling but honestly he does it too. Except his ramblings are “rants” because he says them a lot louder and more angrily than you. So you stop. You just stop and let all the weight go out of your body, flopping down next to him.

Neither of you really know what to say so you just opt not to say anything at all. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, you’re willing to just let this be “that weird thing that happened that one summer” if that’s what he wants it to be. Though god knows you don’t.

\-----------  
==> Be Dave

You and Karkat have a feelings-jam. A long goddamn feelings-jam. You establish that you both share mostly the same feelings for each other and you’ve just been pining for months like idiots. It’s awkward at first, but you think that you’re maybe boyfriends now? You have to be, right? At the end of your conversation, you were to nervous to make another move, but he kissed you. He kissed you and neither of you ran away.

During your talk, there was a lot of yelling about quadrants on Karkat’s part. He was pretty distressed about his feelings not quite fitting into any of his pre-formed, nicely packaged boxes, but you think he’s mostly over it. Which is good because, honestly, fuck that noise, right? If he told you that you were only supposed to feel red romantic feelings, or “pale” feelings, or rivalry with him, you would go out of your goddamn mind. Which you told him in a clear and succinct manner. That is to say you used an elaborate metaphor using shitty rom-coms as your point of reference just to be sure he’d get it.

After that, you sort of fall back into your normal routine. You tease him, he yells at you, you hang out. Except now you make out with him between all of those things. Things are nice for once in your damn life.


End file.
